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Chasing My Sun

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Walking through that dark hidden valley, no one knows,
there’s a raging battle between heart and mind, it goes.
A nightmare I cannot escape with, my world is bleeding,
stuck inside this heart and it pierced through my being.
Letting it all go, taking a different route, it’s difficult to take.
my hands lifting to you  dear God, heal this heartache

~Nodz

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Ghost…of the past

Nodz:

Sharing again :)

Originally posted on ✎ Written Thoughts....:

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What comes in our mind when we hear the word halloween?  Ghosts, souls, spirits, spooky houses are the common things, scary movies can be added. I won’t be talking more of  this halloween things but instead the other ghost. I may call it, the ghost of the past -Memories that burn that come back to haunt and rob our peace of mind. Let me share something about my little boy, young as four years old, he went  through five major surgeries already. It was extremely distressing  traumatic but apparently for him seems it was nothing. Still, the bubbly little kid, just too brave to face everything. Whenever I looked back, I have this bitterness and anguish inside, how could this little sweet angel with a good heart has to suffer. Still, I can’t accept the kind of fate that’s written on his hand. Pain engraves a deeper memory but the goodness of God is helping me out slowly to move forward and let go. Like just any mother, I have to be remain strong.

There are certain guidelines…

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A Candle That Burns

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I sit and gaze upon the light from a candle that burns
whispering a prayer, “Can you let my angel hold my hand?”
Scent of his love lingers, his voice echoes in my head,
How painful the seconds, every minute, and days can be,
to walk in an empty road alone full of his memories.
Oh God how much this heart misses him, it’s like a flame,
please send my deepest love, till that day I will see him.

~Nodz

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Along Our Way

One message God’s want to convey,
our faith and trust we must take.
Life’s road’s may be steep and rough,
just follow His trail and be tough.
There’ll be tears and pain along the way
he will cover us through these rain.
His invisible hands to lead and guide,
in our trip ahead, He’ll stay beside.

~Nodz

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“The Gifts And Blessings”- The Beauty Around Us

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I’ve washed that dish a million times! My kitchen sink seems like a hole that I keep falling and can’t escape from. I wonder how many spoons and forks I’ve washed in the last ten years? And the laundry basket. It’s perpetually full! I’ll bet I could go to the dryer anytime, day or night, and find at least ten ragged towels, six wrinkled shiets, and twenty three socks, five of each have no mate. Who cares?    - taken from Janice Kempe inspirational article.

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Some people are naturally positive and optimistic, whereas others tend to see the world in a more negative light and always think the glass is half-empty. It’s a reality we complain most of the time, everyday we grumble even without realizing it, the little things that normally happen to us like being stuck in a traffic jam or being turned down for a job, housechores needed to be done or in the middle of a busy hour in the office, battling the deadlines and yet so many phone calls distracting us. When my son died, it’ s not all about the grieving and the sadness, it taught  me to value more each little things, the every moment with friends and family while I’m still here. So much beauty in the world waiting to be appreciated and noticed, just being alive alone is something to be grateful with, we still have the chance to fulfill our dreams, enjoy each God’s blessings and  gifts with our friends and family, the things around us; new clothes, new gadgets, or by helping needy people through charity events. It’s up to us now :)

~Nodz

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Colors Of Memories

I picked up the brush and started to paint the memories.
bringing back the colors, giving them a new life.
I could see black and gray, the images of tears and pain,
orange, red, our days of love and happy embrace.
I blended dark shades into light, to contrast every detail,
green to keep hope alive and blue to hold onto faith.
Your image in my thoughts, the years we spent together,
memories over the rainbow, I paint it whenever I miss.

~Nodz

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I am starting again to read old posts from my open diary …it’s where I can rewind some good memories with my boy, that’s all I have now, but I’m glad I did make one. Writing journals, lots of pictures of things we truly treasure, I suggest to keep.

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Dear diary,

I might need a better strategy, a trick maybe on how to convince a stubborn and uncooperative little kid to take vitamins. I find it so difficult today :( and I was losing my patience, everyday is a battle. Our issue before was the taste itself, so I shifted to another brand,  yet still, it didn’t work. He will just spit it out and run away. I do hate chasing. Last night, my lil soldier and I had this little agreement that he’ll take his medicines first thing in the morning in exchange of something he likes.My only mistake was, I didn’t  put the agreement into writing and had it notarize lol *deep sigh, just in case! :D. I was right, he forgot all about the agreement. Now, the bathing and the brushing time, I just had to drag him all the way to the bathroom,  so many excuses that it pissed me off. I was freaking out and had lost all my powers. What a battling Thursday but still,  a mother’s love prevails *Just with a sweet hug and a smile….”It’s alright sweetheart, we can do it later.”

**Entry written November 28, 2013

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I Love You Not Because…

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Kind of love, a safe haven,
it shelters me from rain.
In sadness, it gently speak,
a voice that erases fears.
Heart bond with a promise,
safe in loving embrace.

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As I get older, I see how much I’ve learned along the way, good things we can do to people, to ourselves, to our love ones even to not so good ones. Only one thing that has given me such an impact, the “unconditional love” -to give without hesitations, to share without doubts and  I’ve seen this in a heart of a  child…..in my son Raik…

Thank you so much my angel Raik in Heaven !  as long as I live mom will always remember and put it in heart ❤️

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Inner Strength

A very tiny sound that roars, often in a loud silence,
like bubbles in wind, floats but then it may disappear.
An inner strength we need to dig down, find and keep
A God’s gift we must use, for battles He equipped us.
Blood may shed, we’ll scream in tears but never to quit,
lead us to faith, His unseen hands will shape our fate.

~Nodz

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“I have fought it all during my life; I fight it now, and will do so until the end of my days” part of Nelson Mandela’s words that motivated me all these years, he has this very strong inner strength that really inspires me.

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My Dearest One,

No matter what your circumstances or how you have handled them up till now, no matter what you have done or not done, I love you. I see your every tear. I hear your every cry for help. I feel your every heartache, your every sorrow, your every frustration, your every worry even your happiness. I know your every desire. I see straight through to your heart of hearts and all that is in it, and I love you more deeply than you can possibly comprehend.
I see your struggles and I want to help. Life is often a struggle, but it is made so much easier when you spiritually connect with ME. I have all the love and comfort and peace and solutions you seek. I can transform turmoil, emptiness, and disappointment into peace, plenty, and love. I am right here at your side waiting patiently for you to reach out to Me so I can relieved your troubled mind, dry your tears, and show you how much I love you. I’m just right by your side…

From your friend JESUS- with Love

 

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A letter of Jesus I found and read  from an old magazine (Activated) while cleaning up our room and the pictures I got from a video from a song “The name lives on by David Phelps.. I’m sharing this to everyone. :)

~Nodz

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Be Gentle

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IMAGE SOURCE: http://sheseeksserendipity.tumblr.com/

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Getting in touch with whatever pain we have – accepting it, feeling it, and sitting with it for a time is what will lead us to heal. We must keep going and never miss any beautiful things and wondeful people that truly cares for us. Patience is the key, there will be rocks along the way, just keep walking.  Assuring ourselves that we will be okay in God’s time. Every after storm there’s always a sun that will rise.

~Nodz

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The Love In Your Eyes

Love is a heartbeat thing, it needs no quotes,
a warm touch of magic, like a song from Heaven.
Fathomless depths of feelings and emotions,
as when eyes, heart meet, there’s a sudden notion.
It screams to the core, it shoots like an arrow,
strength it gives, such a comfort, we’ll be relieved.

~Nodz

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 Image by:  fanpop.com

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I tripped and fell on my knee last night, I panicked, ran and screamed. I was attacked by a flying cockroach, so disgusting. It was really a painful fall and I couldn’t get up, my dog “Kimi” heard me, hurriedly ran to rescue. I was touched, he killed the cockroach, then licked my knees and just sat beside till I was able to manage myself to stand up. Love is really a powerful thing. I remember my little angel now in Heaven, probably, he will do the same if he’s still here. 

*Thank you so much  “Kimi” my sweetheart dog :)

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My Promise

You are the brightest light of any candle
the tiny glow illuminates my lost soul.
My heart succumbs, this mind submits,
oh dear angel, my strength, my peace
One day I’ll walk beside through your light,
with you in paradise, we’ll gonna meet.

~Nodz

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Missing an angel……