2

Mother’s Love

Her unconditional love can never be questioned, just simply amazes,
the immeasurable greatness of gentleness and strength, not one is missing.
The kindness that lies within, her heart is like a lamp, light never ends,
she can endure enormous amount of pain, fight, her patience is unending.
Her heart is like a secret garden, once you are inside, you are safe,
she will carry you, wipe your tears, even cover you with her hidden wings.
A kind of woman, just standing behind, close to you, listening.. waiting
*HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY TO US  MOMS ALL OVER THE WORLD
“God bless us all”
~Nodz
mother-son
Photo credit :   alleghanync.com
4

Looking Back…and moving on..

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It’s been more than a year now, since our son left us, left this world and peacefully earned his angel wings, now safe and secure in the hands of God. It takes courage for me now to look back and reminisce each details again, write my feelings about it. How am I now? Our life was not all been plain sailing, it was rough and bumpy ride, nevertheless I have more miles to cross to reach my healing destination. All these time, I harbored all the feelings; my devastations, frustrations, anxieties even my anger. I was in the state of harbination, moved to somewhere a lot quieter for a while, away from the crowd, from the noise, chose to be with my family alone and God, I tried to cope all the times that had been lost. I may scare some people If I would keep on sharing our grief telling the universe how harrowing it was losing a child, yeah, they would listen to your drama but not all the time, some would not be able to fully perceive or understand what’s going on with your heart. Nothing’s change, I still grieve on same sentiments, still have my “what if’s ” and missing my son each day is really tough and agonizing. It’s not easy but taking just one step slower would bring me to a goal, fulfilling what I have promised. My son had a rare vascular condition, wherein he needed a blood transfusion regularly to extend his life. I got so overwhelmed by many entangled questions, simply to know his condition wasn’t enough. I did lots of research to get more informations. I connected with some people with kids having the same case around the globe, they  assisted  me of  informations that could help and  and I was able to send his medical records to US.  Feel blessed I got recommendations but for some reasons things didn’t happen the way what’s supposed to be done, things didn’t materialize as we hoped, his struggles continued. In life how much we try to do our best for something if things are not meant, we can’t do anything. Only God has the last word for everything. When my son took his last breath I made this one “big promise ” to continue his kindness and generosity, I must do something in his behalf one day.  I know God and my angel are guiding me, leading me to where to  start, torn between the pain, desperation of yesterday, and my promise, one thing now is very sure that I know, God wants me to continue…

Just a share…

~Nodz

 

15

Thank you ❤️

I thank the Heaven for this very special day,
truly my gift, the day I was given air to breathe.
Fresh chapter, my new journey starts today,
more faith, hope, strength lifted from beneath.
A prayer and my deep wish I softly whisper,
thank you so much dear God for another year❤️

~Nodz

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Blowing kisses to my Angel in Heaven, wish he’s here…..

7

Love Letter

 

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Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/ive-earned-my-wings-im-sorry-mommy-i-left-you-so-soon#ixzz35vUTa9Rx

***Out of the blue I found this poem while surfing the net, written by somebody in behalf of his lost little brother. The message struck me to the core, missing my son terribly lately, this could be his message from Heaven…I thought about writing a response…

_______________________________________

If only I had a wand, in a swoosh, I could let you stay
a time machine maybe, our moments I can replay.
An old lamp with a genie, all three wishes would be you.
or a power to turn back time, things I could undo.
Life isn’t fairytale, do not always have a happy ending,
we have God who decides and knows everything.
I love you so dearly son, I may not understand why you left,
I know you love me so much, it will be my strength.
God’s taking care of you now, no more pain, even fears,
I’ll be fine, in God’s time, you’ll no longer see my tears.
I’m not brave as you were, mom will always try to be one,
yes, I will meet you soon , when my work here is done.
I will be taking care of daddy, your big brother, don’t worry,
as you always say, we’re one in heart, it’s our family story.
Thank you so much my angel, keep watching us from Above,
you’ll always be missed and remembered my forever love.
I love you so much baby ❤️

Love, Your Mommy   “Nodz”

11

Happy Birthday My Angel…

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That special day you came was filled with so much joy,
a beautiful memory of your pure heart and soul.
Sweet angel in disguise with a golden bow and arrow,
radiantly shone forth like a misty rainbow.

I witnessed great kindness and charm,
I thank God  for the chance He gave to be your mom.
Your bravery, strength, smiles loosen the chain,
even your whole  life fastened with battles and pain.

Hearts crushed like flowers withered, scattered,
when Jesus took you to his loving home, I was shattered.
But nothing can control what fate has determined,
our life here on earth has its own beat marches as it will.

Though missing you is so hard, mom will be fine,
I know you’re up in Heaven, you no longer cry,
embracing the gift of Jesus which is an everlasting life.

 I love you so much “Biyaik”

___________________________________________________

Today  would have been my son’s  seventh birthday,  sadly he didn’t even…he spread his wings too soon…been 4 months now since I last saw his smile…..I was sitting in the dental chair, he came over smiling and whispered, ” Mom, no crying” while placing his palm over my chest, just reminding me not to be scared, I guess, then he kissed me….. I will always remember that baby…always…..guide mommy to be brave and strong as you are…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY  biyaik ♥♥♥ mom loves you sooo much, I’ll be taking care of your chobear -your favorite teddy bear and your other stuff. I will meet you in God’s time…mom will come..

~Nodz

9

Missing you…

balloons_in_sky

You’re a shadow now waving from the past,
without any sign, things happened so fast.
Just few hours then, I was holding your hand,
this heart bleeds, still trying to understand.

______________________________________

Missing you my lil soldier, you’re now up in Heaven, do carry this heart of mine, mom loves you so much..

~Nodz

17

You are…

loonapix_1378908327392569070

You’re the bright star in my night sky,
the radiance behind my hidden smile.
You’re the flowers among the trees,
the freshness of my morning breeze.
You’re the pot at the end of my rainbow
colors you bring,  relieve my sorrow
You’re the words inside my thoughts,
the beautiful things you had taught.

_____________________________

 For my  little  one26 loonapix_13789179981544246578

 

 

 

 

~Nodz

6

Simple Things

Looking through the  eyes of  an every child how simple things are, they would really show great appreciation and we all know the sincerity is there. I remember last year, few  days before our little soldier’s  birthday,  same answer each time  I ask him what he wants for his special day , “A blue cake and green balloon,   “Just one he said and an ice cream in cone” (that simple? I thought..) . When the day came and saw the colorful cake  bought and the bundle of balloons.  A very loud   “WOOOWWW”  as he danced joyfully and kissed me.  It was just a cake I thought, not a big kiddie party. 

SIMPLE THINGS

Let’s remind ourselves to be more appreciative of simple things God showing us everyday;  may sound too sentimental and overly dramatic but really, what I learned most in my everyday are the simple ones which are the true source of a real happiness.. 

Go outside, experiment, have fun,
whatever the weather.
Bundle up if it’s cold ,
put on your shorts if sunny.
Take some time to laugh,
enjoy if you find things funny.
Look around you,
simple things are God’s given gift.
To savor each bite ,
life is short and time is too swift.

~Nodz

15

Battle ahead

clouds

Raging huge fire awaits,
for this  soul to face.
Succumbing to fear,
a battle I must take.
A ray of sun just out
between banks of clouds.
Few sprinkles of rain
as heart screams aloud.
God above is a shield,
Nothing to be scared
In whom mercy is endless,
it  cannot be compared.
I must keep moving,
a strength I am praying.

_________________________

5th surgery of my precious little one….a battle ahead..

~Nodz

2

My fear, My Strength

loonapix_13751522061547833519

 

In my thoughts,

there’s a thunder.

Lightning flashes,

in my dark sky.

Fears and strength

I’m hiding under.

Tough as a tree,

but when alone, I die

My precious one,

I can’t live without

Your little tear,

weakens this heart.

A smile that vanishes

all pain and doubt.

Your presence,

real strength from Above.

~Nodz

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

2

If

If only I could…..

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Close your eyes,
hold me your hand,
will take you far,
somewhere in place,
your fanciful idea,
to travel out in space,
to your dreamland,
stars we’ll gonna chase.
No tears, free from pain,
this is my promise,
my hands be the light,
nothing to worry about,
just trust me,
“Are you ready?”
Now, we need to hurry .

(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~

4

My Reflection

We’re  home now from hospital stay and I thank God above…

piesta

Undimmed a reflection I see,
in smile, in deep seated eyes,
somewhat your thin disguise.

With your two broken wings,
unable to lift off and fly high,
yet eyes still fixed on the sky.

With a tremendous courage,
A brave heart filled with hope,
faith, holding on same rope.

A blessed kind, my little one,
both of us….never retreated,
..thus, you’re never defeated.

(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~

2

The Way Home

Missing my old home …..

old phots

Thinking of that  place
where I used to chase a butterfly.
wrote my name on walls,
climbed over trees ,
trying to reach the sky.

Remembering familiar voices
I used to hear everyday
whispering, laughing, giggling
those were old friends,
I used to go out with and play.

Reliving lost days with family
Mom used to cook for me
The day dad bought me my fave CD
Still with me,
Playing it when I’m free.

Time passes so quickly
Counting hours each day
Terribly missing every detail
Old memories will forever stay
Keeping it alive here everyday.

(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~

5

Juggler

Like most people today. I lead an active life. Often I feel like  a one -woman-juggling act. Sometimes it get’s out of control-or rather, I get out of control. Recently, I found myself waking up in the morning, dreading to face the new day and my seemingly endless duties. My prayer time was sometimes suffering  *sorry Lord 😦  overwhelmed with pressures. Yet, I kept taking on more and more….

editclock

Get on, sun is up,
Gotta start moving
A toast and coffee’s in desk,
I’m now start thinking
A hidden voice saying,
“Slow down , just take your time”
Still, this clock loudly screaming

Time is up!, sun’s down
I must be home by now
To our door, feet leading me
To the fridge ,”let me see”
Kids asking what’s for dinner?
Giving them a wink, ” wait then”
Just slowly count one to ten

Alone now , my prayer time
Now I understand
My purpose , things I need to see
Family and friends are enough to be
A better person, a good mother
Life is beautiful, one way or another
To be happy not to grumble.. rather

(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~

0

The Boy

A story of a  mother and  his sick little boy …

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She’s watching him last night
Holding a paper
He’s pretending  reading.
Her heart wanted to explode.
She couldn’t say anything,
Her soul was crying.

Behind his little eyes,
His heart was yearning ,
She hates to say
Wait a little bit more ,
“Soon my baby”
You’re on your way,

His bear knows everything
He hugs it,
Telling his pain in tears
What more then,
So sick and tired,
Always in fears.

16th of April when he came
With his  cute little nose,
Everybody adore him.
She never thought
Such hands of fate
Immensely tough , too deep for him

A boy with a smile
That speaks a thousand ,
Never need to say a word
Even a single thing
It gives love
Gives  her hope..
.
.
.

(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~

0

Missing Home…

 If I’ll be given a chance to choose where would I like to live again, I want to go back where I was born and raised… I’m missing home actually, missing our house, my parents,  I miss  the silence most of all.

**************

This big city, where I live
Nothing but noise  it gives
Nothing but complete sadness
Something’s always wrong , such a mess.
Missing home..

Don’t have circles of  real friends , just few good one
A feeling of  being abandoned , desolated, definitely no fun
My moments and days twisting me upside down
I don’t know how and where would I hide and run
Missing home..

Things gets gloomier each passing day,
Emptiness creeps , burning memories that stay
One day I will be home , In God I pray
On my retirement day, will no longer say
I’m missing home…

(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~

0

Love

We often think of what really love means is..
In this complicated world we are sometimes wondering the mystery of what it brings..
Nor lot of times we are mislead by our own feelings without thinking..
Love is flexible, it take things in stride, and can handle whatever comes its way.
It is ready to give others the benefit of the doubt and looks for the best in them. It never runs out of patience. It’s not selfish and often thinks of others than selves..It never fails..There are hundreds of phrase that tells about it, but do we try asking ourselves ,
How far can we go in the name of love?
Just my feelings and thoughts in two of my life issues I’m dealing now that I put into words..
As a true friend, and  a mom with an ill child….

************************

LOVE

A friend in grievance,
voice from distance
Silently saying,
“I want to be alone”
Wanna face my world
out of my own
You might be wondering
“Am I existing?”
You may want to figure out
or think of just leaving?

Feeling his little hands ,
groaning for pain
“I’ll be with you in rain”
Tensions so draining,
here inside so breaking
Unbearable fears ,
overwhelming feeling
A heart-wrenching ,
God’s will or  my desire,
if emotion burning in fire,
How would I?

(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~

0

Treasured bliss

edit mama

It’s  Mother’s day today ,
Missing my Mama more,
Her voice , her laughs,
The way she get’s upset, angry, and happy
Wish to be little child again to be hugged and cuddled…

*******

Sunday to reminisce ,
Flashback childhood reveries
Hearing mama’s old songs ,
The person so dearie
Taking a glimpse from my treasured blissful memories
Rewinding , playing it back, randomly remembering old scenery.

4

My Little Soldier

Sleepless nights,
restless days,
so exhausted.

Worry -filled ,
anxious mind,
Oh REST,
you’ are all I need.

Watching sun leaves,
staring above
sky each night,

Reminiscing
happy days
gone by.

Your giggles
laughs
I terribly
miss.

Your sweet
little voice,
the morning
and night kiss.

In God
I heartily pray ,
I’m asking ,
He’ll let you stay.

edit jairren

(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~

1

Music Box

Why is music so powerful and moving?

MY INSPIRATION- ♥♥♥ <My little boy’s favorite music…..

my abebe

******************

Those happy little smiles that says
“Always here to cheer you up, when things are bad, I’ll be alright mom”
Those warm little hands from that  gentle touch that says
” Always here to hug you tight when you need it most, I will be fine mom”
In dark moments he watched me
With these tears he wiped it out.
He never ask,
Didn’t even say a word
In his eyes ,
I knew he understood though he’s in pain
Love this little boy so much!
Just one smile and touch, soaks away my fears and pain.

(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~

2

GRANDPA

Missing years, I was ten,
with you grandpa, beside,
whenever there’s a thunder.
Wrapped around your arms,
will cover me under,
I used to say to you,
“Will you still be here,
when I reached this tall?
To listen, to my every call?
Now years had passed
only your picture in purse,
thinking, missing of you, still-
in best of times and in worst.
Now having my own life,
more than a lady, a MOM.
Still have childhood fears,
thinking you will come,
when life getting me down,
with thunder and lightning
that pushes me around.
Wishing you still, wiping tears.
Feeling the warmth comfort ,
hugging me just the same.
Oh my dear grandpa,
your memories and love
will forever remain.

Nodz ~

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