4

Looking Back…and moving on..

image

It’s been more than a year now, since our son left us, left this world and peacefully earned his angel wings, now safe and secure in the hands of God. It takes courage for me now to look back and reminisce each details again, write my feelings about it. How am I now? Our life was not all been plain sailing, it was rough and bumpy ride, nevertheless I have more miles to cross to reach my healing destination. All these time, I harbored all the feelings; my devastations, frustrations, anxieties even my anger. I was in the state of harbination, moved to somewhere a lot quieter for a while, away from the crowd, from the noise, chose to be with my family alone and God, I tried to cope all the times that had been lost. I may scare some people If I would keep on sharing our grief telling the universe how harrowing it was losing a child, yeah, they would listen to your drama but not all the time, some would not be able to fully perceive or understand what’s going on with your heart. Nothing’s change, I still grieve on same sentiments, still have my “what if’s ” and missing my son each day is really tough and agonizing. It’s not easy but taking just one step slower would bring me to a goal, fulfilling what I have promised. My son had a rare vascular condition, wherein he needed a blood transfusion regularly to extend his life. I got so overwhelmed by many entangled questions, simply to know his condition wasn’t enough. I did lots of research to get more informations. I connected with some people with kids having the same case around the globe, they  assisted  me of  informations that could help and  and I was able to send his medical records to US.  Feel blessed I got recommendations but for some reasons things didn’t happen the way what’s supposed to be done, things didn’t materialize as we hoped, his struggles continued. In life how much we try to do our best for something if things are not meant, we can’t do anything. Only God has the last word for everything. When my son took his last breath I made this one “big promise ” to continue his kindness and generosity, I must do something in his behalf one day.  I know God and my angel are guiding me, leading me to where to  start, torn between the pain, desperation of yesterday, and my promise, one thing now is very sure that I know, God wants me to continue…

Just a share…

~Nodz

 

Advertisements
2

Colors Of Memories

I picked up the brush and started to paint the memories.
bringing back the colors, giving them a new life.
I could see black and gray, the images of tears and pain,
orange, red, our days of love and happy embrace.
I blended dark shades into light, to contrast every detail,
green to keep hope alive and blue to hold onto faith.
Your image in my thoughts, the years we spent together,
memories over the rainbow, I paint it whenever I miss.

~Nodz

___________________________________

I am starting again to read old posts from my open diary …it’s where I can rewind some good memories with my boy, that’s all I have now, but I’m glad I did make one. Writing journals, lots of pictures of things we truly treasure, I suggest to keep.

image

Dear diary,

I might need a better strategy, a trick maybe on how to convince a stubborn and uncooperative little kid to take vitamins. I find it so difficult today 😦 and I was losing my patience, everyday is a battle. Our issue before was the taste itself, so I shifted to another brand,  yet still, it didn’t work. He will just spit it out and run away. I do hate chasing. Last night, my lil soldier and I had this little agreement that he’ll take his medicines first thing in the morning in exchange of something he likes.My only mistake was, I didn’t  put the agreement into writing and had it notarize lol *deep sigh, just in case! 😀. I was right, he forgot all about the agreement. Now, the bathing and the brushing time, I just had to drag him all the way to the bathroom,  so many excuses that it pissed me off. I was freaking out and had lost all my powers. What a battling Thursday but still,  a mother’s love prevails *Just with a sweet hug and a smile….”It’s alright sweetheart, we can do it later.”

**Entry written November 28, 2013

11

Little Things That Are Big

 

We seldomly realize how big, little things are until it all gone, passed,
life’s too short, hold on to people so dear, you care about today.
Never waste any time, savor each moment,  they may gone in a flash.
Hug them, never forget to tell them your three words everyday.
Time flies,  goes by so quickly, people go, only one thing will remain,
not a small thing, one that stands alone, Love, that explains all.

~Nodz

2Mother_son

 

_________________________________

 

Dear Diary,

Sundays are what they are meant to be: spending quality time with family. Our Sunday was spent outside, letting our lil soldier to choose and decide where he wants to go first, since I had an appointment with my dentist at 3 pm, it has to be done. We left the house around 11 am and had to bring the kids first for a lunch then in  an hour or two, we’re going straight to their favorite place.. The one last request of our lil soldier before we left ,  two toy gun he’s eyeing since he first saw those, then a fruity mentos / tictac candy and a small blue rosary. A blue Rosary- I’m still thinking and wondering up to now, why he requested . He wore it after I paid it. We went straight to the dentist afterwards, then  reminded us all of a sudden that we will be gonna late for the Holy Mass. For a little kid, it’s unusual and strange to do such things. He was well behaved inside the church, just listening and singing, he never complained for the first time though he whispered he’s feeling hungry, he just waited. There was this annointing of oil after, he participated along with dad and his older brother and told me to annoint as well. I could felt then how Raik misses simple things like this. Most of the time, we spent Sundays in hospital, every week. When on our way home after dinner, he whispered something and smilingly said; “I’m happy mom, all done” then he kissed me. Couldn’t hold back my tears. I hugged him and I said; “We will have plenty of next time I promise.

~Mom

image

 

***My  last entry in my open diary dated December 2, 2013, the following week my lil soldier  earned his wings..

3

A Flash of Light

image

In creeping darkness, life is but a passing dream
for the lost ones, we can cast even a tiny light.
to rekindle their lost faith, hopeless it may seem
will enliven their journey, recover hopes in life.

~Nodz

FEW THOUGHTS  FROM THE PAST: 

As we grope in darkness, “what do we want most? LIGHT! We want direction and illumination. Darkness reminds us of our oppressive, burdensome need. It feels heavy even though it’s intangible. Only light, which also intangible, pushes the feeling away, it provides relief. A  chat with a close friend, talking about  common topics , food to places to scary things then to a simple thing – a flashlight..“FLASHLIGHT”. If we will relate this in life, the importance of this is not just  simple- In our lives we can be a “flashlight” to anyone, we don’t need to be big to be effective, we just have to be “on” when someone needs a light in dark moment. A flashlight draws power from batteries and we , draw power to God. As a light we dissipate fear , bring relief and lift spirits.Don’t keep the switch off or hold back as though our batteries have run down. Our source is the glorious “Light Invisible”. Being switched on pleases God. 

*************************************

4

A Kind of Joy That Is….

Sunday morning after church,  while having breakfast at McDonalds, I read  an article in a newspaper handed  by my husband. I could see sadness in his eyes when he asked me to read it, written by a  12 year old girl student. Her story touched our hearts, young as she is, she understands life so clearly., …we couldn’t hold back our tears recalling we were once in same place, same time with our little boy years ago, <now he’s in Heaven>.  I let my eldest son read this too.. image _

_____________________________________

FINDING JOY IN SUNBURNS….. By Justine Christie C. Buhia

I felt the burning heat of the fiery sun on my skin last April 26. It was the day that I spent a special time with my family instead of playing computer games. It was the day that we went  to one of the nice beach resorts  in Samal Island. image The clear, blue sea caught my attention first. My cousins and I went to the seashore and we swam in them. We cracked jokes and shared to each other our experiences in school while swimming. I realized that it has been so long since we talked  to each other like this. We also borrowed a boat that fisherman use. My cousins and I took turns in paddling it. We only took breaks to head to the open cottage and grab food to fill our hungry stomach. It was an exhilarating adventure even it was a simple activity. I still remember how burnt our skins were after the trip. My skin would sting with just a little touch. Yet, there was not a moment that I regretted about the trip. It was the joy that we shared that I remembered rather than the sunburns. It was special because  we did it in the memory of my baby brother. Two years ago, we were on the same beach with my then one-year-old brother. I still remembered the spot where we both played. I still remember how he unconsciously splashed water at me with his tiny little hands. He is gone but I believe he was by our side when we went to the beach. He gathered us and made our family share beautiful memories together. It strengthened our bond with each other. I learned that there are greater joys in this world that is more than what any material things can never give. Summer happens once in a while and it gives us the opportunity to make the most out of it. It is up to us to make the best of what we have.

_______________

This young writer is right, summer happens once in a while, it gives us the opportunity, the chance to make the most of it with the people we love, life is too short…

Hold people you care, in your heart today,

give your time. act now, don’t delay,

time flies swiftly, life passes by so quickly,  

~ Nodz    

A blessed weekend 🙏❤️

2

Helpless Love

 image

Once upon a time all feelings and emotions went to a coastal island for a vacation. According to their nature, each was having a good time. Suddenly, a warning of an impending storm was announced and everyone was advised to evacuate the island. 

The announcement caused sudden panic. All rushed to their boats. Even damaged boats were quickly repaired and commissioned for duty. Yet, Love did not wish to flee quickly. There was so much to do. But as the clouds darkened, Love realised it was time to leave. Alas, there were no boats to spare.

Love looked around with hope. Just then Prosperity passed by in a luxurious boat. Love shouted, “Prosperity, could you please take me in your boat?” “No,” replied Prosperity, “my boat is full of precious possessions, gold and silver. There is no place for you.” 

A little later Vanity came by in a beautiful boat. Again Love shouted, “Could you help me, Vanity? I am stranded and need a lift. Please take me with you.” Vanity responded haughtily, “No, I cannot take you with me. My boat will get soiled with your muddy feet.” 

Sorrow passed by after some time. Again, Love asked for help. But it was to no avail. “No, I cannot take you with me. I am so sad. I want to be by myself.” 

When Happiness passed by a few minutes later, Love again called for help. But Happiness was so happy that it did not look around, hardly concerned about anyone. 

Love was growing restless and rejected. Just then somebody called out, “Come Love, I will take you with me.” Love did not know who was being so magnanimous, but jumped on to the boat, greatly relieved that she would reach a safe place. 

On getting off the boat, Love met Knowledge. Puzzled, Love inquired, “Knowledge, do you know who so generously gave me a lift just when no one else wished to help?” Knowledge smiled, “Oh, that was Time.” “And why would Time stop to pick me and take me to safety?” Love wondered. Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and replied, “Because only Time knows your true greatness and what you are capable of. Only Love can bring peace and great happiness in this world.”

“The important message is that when we are prosperous, we overlook love. When we feel important, we forget love. Even in happiness and sorrow we forget love. Only with time do we realize the importance of love. Why wait that long? Why not make love a part of your life today?”

Author Unknown

__________________________

LOVE…a four letter word that reminded me so much of my “Angel”  how he showed great love  to everyone.

image

Give love, share love, spread love! 🙂

~Nodz

2

The Two Friends…


image

Two friends talked and sang merrily as they walked through the forest. Suddenly a bear appeared. The first friend quickly climbed a tree. The second one wanted help but his friend had already left him. He was very scared because the bear was big and strong and could easily kill him. He thought hard and when the bear came near, he lay very still on the ground and controlled his breath. The bear came close to him and sniffed and smelt his body all over. Now, bears do not attack the dead. The bear walked away thinking that the man was dead. The first friend then came down from the tree when the bear went away. He asked his friend mockingly, “What did the bear tell you?” The second friend thought for a while. “The bear told me never to trust a friend who escapes and leaves you alone when you need him most,” he said. The first friend realised his mistake and was ashamed of his behaviour.

__________________

 

I received a call from a “BEST FRIEND” whom I believed, but not anymore after this call.  I haven’t heard from her for  almost a year and a half, those years I remember,  things were so bad, my roads then were so dark and bumpy. This sudden call was about a big favor she’s asking but mentioning the rough times I had when she was out of the scene, a phrase she just stated ” I didn’t have words anymore to give you that time”………...

 

~Nodz

 

0

The Little Girl and His Father

hands

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter:
“Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don’t fall into the river.” The little girl said:
“No, Dad. You hold my hand.”
“What’s the difference?” Asked the puzzled father.
“There’s a big difference,” replied the little girl.
“If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go.”
In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours…

                                                                                   -Unknown

~Nodz

2

The Important Things in Life

edit rocks

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2 inches in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

Author Unknown

__________________________________________-

“Life and summer are fleeting,’ sang the bird. ‘Snow and dark, and the winter comes. Nothing remains the same.”

― Elyne Mitchell, Silver Brumby’s Daughter

~Nodz

5

“Sometimes We All need Ice Cream”

ice creamoie_trim_image

<A SHORT  MORAL STORY TO PONDER ABOUT>

Last week I took my children to a restaurant. My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As we bowed our heads he said, “God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!” Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby I heard a woman remark, “That’s what’s wrong with this country. Kids today don’t even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!”  Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, “Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?”  As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him,  an elderly gentleman approached the table.  He winked at my son and said, “I happen to know that  God thought that was a great prayer. “Really?” my son asked. “Cross my heart,” the man replied.  Then in a theatrical whisper he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), “Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes.” Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal. My son stared at his ice cream for a moment and then did something I will remember the rest of my life. He picked up his sundae and without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, “Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already.”
THE END…

~ Author Unknown

_______________________________________________________________________

Sometimes we all need some ice cream.  I hope God sends you some Ice Cream today!

 ~Nodz