The glow in your eyes gently soothe the soul,
feeling the warmth of your touch, my heart leaps up,
Your love completes me and you make me whole,
but this is just a memory now hanging tightly wrapped.
Mind’s racing, again,the song plays, pulling me back,
hiding my feeling, the tears of longing as I walk a mile.
Mind speaks while heart grieves, I miss your smile.
Walking through that dark hidden valley, no one knows,
there’s a raging battle between heart and mind, it goes.
A nightmare I cannot escape with, my world is bleeding,
stuck inside this heart and it pierced through my being.
Letting it all go, taking a different route, it’s difficult to take.
my hands lifting to you dear God, heal this heartache
I picked up the brush and started to paint the memories.
bringing back the colors, giving them a new life.
I could see black and gray, the images of tears and pain,
orange, red, our days of love and happy embrace.
I blended dark shades into light, to contrast every detail,
green to keep hope alive and blue to hold onto faith.
Your image in my thoughts, the years we spent together,
memories over the rainbow, I paint it whenever I miss.
I am starting again to read old posts from my open diary …it’s where I can rewind some good memories with my boy, that’s all I have now, but I’m glad I did make one. Writing journals, lots of pictures of things we truly treasure, I suggest to keep.
I might need a better strategy, a trick maybe on how to convince a stubborn and uncooperative little kid to take vitamins. I find it so difficult today 😦 and I was losing my patience, everyday is a battle. Our issue before was the taste itself, so I shifted to another brand, yet still, it didn’t work. He will just spit it out and run away. I do hate chasing. Last night, my lil soldier and I had this little agreement that he’ll take his medicines first thing in the morning in exchange of something he likes.My only mistake was, I didn’t put the agreement into writing and had it notarize lol *deep sigh, just in case! 😀. I was right, he forgot all about the agreement. Now, the bathing and the brushing time, I just had to drag him all the way to the bathroom, so many excuses that it pissed me off. I was freaking out and had lost all my powers. What a battling Thursday but still, a mother’s love prevails *Just with a sweet hug and a smile….”It’s alright sweetheart, we can do it later.”
**Entry written November 28, 2013
Gazing up at the clear sky, I’m feeling your heartbeat,
in this blank page, a new beginning, our new story.
Our memories be my plot, good times I want to repeat,
no more nightmares that keep on chasing upon me.
I’ll describe your strength from a rock on a flowing river,
love that gently splashing like waves to the shore.
Your character would wake up a part of soul that quiver,
from a broken heart, wounded spirit, pain no more.
An old broken piano lying wasted,
neglected for years, set aside.
Sound and melody were deflected,
all its deep emotions had died.
Looking at my reflection in a puddle,
heart unheeded, torn to pieces.
That’s when you left, world shattered,
sun vanished, everything freezes.
Love stay, I won’t hide and run away,
I’ll let you go instead even it’s tough.
life goes on, I’ll move one step each day,
the memories left are all but enough.
What comes in our mind when we hear the word halloween? Ghosts, souls, spirits, spooky houses are the common things, scary movies can be added. I won’t be talking more of this halloween things but instead the other ghost. I may call it, the ghost of the past –Memories that burn that come back to haunt and rob our peace of mind. Let me share something about my little boy, young as four years old, he went through five major surgeries already. It was extremely distressing traumatic but apparently for him seems it was nothing. Still, the bubbly little kid, just too brave to face everything. Whenever I looked back, I have this bitterness and anguish inside, how could this little sweet angel with a good heart has to suffer. Still, I can’t accept the kind of fate that’s written on his hand. Pain engraves a deeper memory but the goodness of God is helping me out slowly to move forward and let go. Like just any mother, I have to be remain strong.
There are certain guidelines written by Harold Sala which we can follow to realize and experience healing of the emotions. I’m stating it as briefly as I can.
- Understand the nature of forgiveness- When it comes to harmonious living, no other quality, with the possible exception of love, is more needed than forgiveness. It is on our daily routines that the irritations of our human faults and imperfections take their toll.
- Be sure we have sought God’s forgiveness– There are times when failures drives us to our knees, when our own behavior makes us realize that our hearts are deceptive and tricky.
- Extend forgiveness to the one who has hurt you– How do we overcome bitterness and hatred when we have been wronged and we are absolutely convinced that we cannot forgive. By praying for the person and the circumstance as well who has hurt us, the one we can’t forgive, the memory that burns.
- Forgive ourselves– Forgiveness is like a three-cornered hat in that there are aspects involved, and when any of them missing, forgiveness is incomplete-in relationship to God, in relationship to the offended person, in relationship to ourselves.
- Give the bitterness of that memory to Jesus, to God –Why should we carry the burden of a memory which scars, when Jesus already died for the very burden we are trying to carry. Simply it’s not our responsibility.
- Refuse to let our mind dwell on the memory that burns– Some folks live with constant bitterness and heartaches because they cling to the shattered fragments of a life that went to pieces.
- Replace the memory that burns with the word of God– There is therapeutic healing in the Word of God, because the Holy Spirit uses the Word to bring restoration and healing to burned-out emotions.
- Cooperate with the Holy Spirit in your Healing– It is the nature of the Satan to ensnare, deceive, and destroy, while it is the nature of God to liberate, restore and heal.
- Begin praising God for bringing restoration and healing to your life- Let us claim the healing.
*Individually we have different personal opinions, beliefs, even strategies on how to handle the “ghost” that usually devour our mind and souls each time. My respect to each of your beliefs. May God be with us all..
Recalling every life’s spiral stairway
We ran up, down, we slowly go insane
With beautiful moments in our hands
footsteps soundly banging as it lands.
In a tick of the clock, things vanished,
time flies really fast, always in a rush.
Shadows remain, pieces of past years,
keeping, remembering it all with tears
We all have wonderful memories to always remember as we go through life….
In stillness of the ocean,
I know I ‘ll see you
At the sight of that sunrise,
I’ll gonna pick you
The thought of you there,
my endless shelter
In my deep memory,
a continuous chapter.
It gently whisper
in deep-rooted silence.
Screams and shouts,
Cast a light whenever
I looked back.
Shadow that follows
Song that stirs
my head whenever.
I’ll be with you here
In this thoughts
and in my prayers.
Love will stay forever…
Missing people close to us is hard……
From downtown walks
To casual talks
Digging the memories
From that old diaries
Our forgotten days
Recapturing again the blaze
Conversation that rhymes
I miss those times.
No words to utter
This heart to shutter
I wished that stayed.
It will eventually fade
(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~
How long do the sunrise and sunset will set in
As I gazed on it , my heart says something deep within
Recalling the days , looking back from what I’ve been
How many more stars do I need to count
As I glanced up above, relief I found
Memories, rough days that once put me down
How much rainbows do I have to see
As I stared , felt new strength, that ‘s how should be
Felt good vibes that came out naturally.
(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~
Over the horizon, I can see memories…
A coffee aroma in a morning hush
A splash of waves that gently rush
Tinkle of a chime in a cool wind
Thinking for better day….
Over the horizon I can see dreams….
A moment of bliss that never end
A big promise not to break, a great miracle to happen
Light days ahead and road to pass without a bend
Hoping for this day..
Over the horizon I can see wishes
A fairytale like stories to keep
No sadness and loneliness to weep
Just an endless joy and peace
Asking for the day..
Over the horizon I can see myself
Thinking over my memories to relive
Hoping for my dream to live
Asking for a wish to believe..
(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~
Winds blowing, leaves falling
Rain dripping, a song fading
My story once living , memories drifting
Time fleeting, things keep moving
Each day, in a second, phase changing
Season switching, bits and pieces leaving
I may not hear the same music to feel the same rhythm
Wanna thank God above……
I may not see the same sky with same bird flying high
Wanna thank God above …..
I may not see the same star at night that lights up so bright
Wanna thank God above …..
I may not find the reason from these all to know it’s purpose behind
I’m thanking God above……
Memories in here.. to relive
The good ol’ days
(◕‿◕✿) Nodz ~
Missing years, I was ten,
with you grandpa, beside,
whenever there’s a thunder.
Wrapped around your arms,
will cover me under,
I used to say to you,
“Will you still be here,
when I reached this tall?
To listen, to my every call?
Now years had passed
only your picture in purse,
thinking, missing of you, still-
in best of times and in worst.
Now having my own life,
more than a lady, a MOM.
Still have childhood fears,
thinking you will come,
when life getting me down,
with thunder and lightning
that pushes me around.
Wishing you still, wiping tears.
Feeling the warmth comfort ,
hugging me just the same.
Oh my dear grandpa,
your memories and love
will forever remain.